Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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