belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
