I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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