your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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