cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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