if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
