well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
