Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
