Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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