so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
