he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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