Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
