people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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