Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Terrible idea I love it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize