I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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