Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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