omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
