i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
