if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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