So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
