Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there's paper in my vomit.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
