I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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