Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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