My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
