my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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