Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
