So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
