I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We need to get me chipped asap
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
