I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
