I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cut my penus on the lid.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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