Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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