Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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