Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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