just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
