is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
