I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
