I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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