since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
pray to the hookup gods
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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