I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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