Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
