Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
