could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
