where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
