dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
