i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
