also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
