it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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