i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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