you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
