I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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