Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
