There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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