Pappa wants mamma naked
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I seem to have left my pride at pride
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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