I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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