Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
