wat bout pragnant strippers??
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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