I am in a vortex of obligation.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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