You made me cry and you don't even care
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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