Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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