This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
