it's like iHOP with fire
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
