So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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