why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
