I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
