i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
