I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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