Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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