that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
