i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Everclear isn't food dammit
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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