Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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