Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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