I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
