just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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