Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
