When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
