I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
