You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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